Tedium

Sometimes life with small people seems like an endless round of issuing tired instructions, sighing at the dull monotony of it all, and bribing them to eat their meals.

Please shut that kitchen drawer. Shut the kitchen drawer, PLEASE. Hello? Can anyone hear anything I say? FOR PITY'S SAKE STOOOOOOP IT AND GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN DRAWER!

They just emptied out the tubs of lego and toy trains. Not because they want to play with them but because they KNOW it's mischeivous and guaranteed to annoy me.

Can I watch TV?
No.
Why?
Because it's bath time.
But please can I watch TV?
No.
But why?
Because it's not good for your brain to watch too much and you have a lovely playroom full of brilliant toys to play with.
What?
What do you mean 'What'? 
What??
OK, ok, what.
I can watch TV?
No!
Why?
Because I said so.
But why?
Desperate silence.
Mummy...
Yes.
Can I watch TV?
Um well now let me have a little think about that. I wonder if the answer might have changed in the past 0.4 of a second. Er NOOOOOOOO! AND STOP ASKING ME!

DON'T PUSH HIM!
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM!
WHY IS HE CRYING?
He had it first.
Please don't do that.
Could you stop that please.
That's going to break if you keep doing that.
Let go of it.
Come out of the toilet.
Get off the stairs.
I'm going to count to three.
It's not funny, I'm very cross.
Well if you didn't wind him up he wouldn't do that.
I think they call that karma.
No, you still can't watch TV.
What's wrong with the ten million toys you own?

Why is it too much to ask that I might be able to sit on my sofa and flip through the Sunday supplements? Instead I am leapt upon in seconds, thought of as a human beanbag, stabbed in the throat and ribs by elbows that ought to come with health-warnings.

While I stand here typing this they wrestle between my legs. Yesterday I had to ask for another adult's intervention when I couldn't get the little one to let go of our hosts' telephone.

I was going to post a round-up of the past few days but all I can say is I AM TIRED and counting the hours till bedtime for small boys when I can legitimately curl up on the sofa with the papers and thank the Lord above that little people sleep.